I’m proud to admit that I’m mediocre at many things! Cue the “Gasp!” Shocking! I know, what a change from the perfectionism I struggled with for so many years.
From the outside many could look at me & conclude that I’ve got my “sh!t” together, maybe even feel badly about themselves for not being able to “look” perfect themselves or for procrastinating about jobs hovering over them.
Looks can be extremely deceiving & old habits die hard. I may be able to make things appear in place, but don’t look too close or you’ll see I’m exactly like YOU!
Anxiety shows itself in many ways. Maybe your anxiety looks like procrastination. Did you know that procrastination is the opposite end of the same anxiety spectrum as perfectionism?
Being mediocre goes against the cultural grain to compete, excel & be the best at all costs, especially when it comes to our child’s accomplishments, after all, who brags about their kids ‘C’ grade or their losing tournament? So lets take a closer look at the benefits of being mediocre!
Accepting mediocracy calms our need to be the best & gets the job done. It sets the example for our kids that we don’t have to get worked up about the “small stuff” or the overwhelmed by larger things. We can focus on what really matters & affirm that our wroth is not tied to our performance but most importantly, we can actually enjoy the process when we’re not attached to the outcome having to look a certain way.
It can be terrifying to admit that we are not keeping up with societal standards or incredibly lonely feeling shameful about being an imposter or failing in some way. It’s all too easy to become overwhelmed by perfectionism & procrastination, especially in a pandemic where most of us have our imperfections staring us straight in the eye 24/7, or worse yet, someone else there pointing them out to us! We are all doing our best to survive in this unfamiliar environment.
When we prioritize house work, emails & the many other things on our never ending “to do” list. Our kids learn that these things are more important than the present moment, that failing is not an option & that what other people think is important.
There are so many valuable teaching opportunities right now, but we're all taking life a bit too seriously to see them. The most important lessons are ones that our children come to teach us, like how to be playful & present! In return, we can show them how to be compassionate &empathetic, & how to extend both of these things to others but we must first learn how to extend them to ourself.
Our kids won’t remember if the house was sparkling or if everything was in its place, they’ll remember that mom was always crabby or angry.
Things may not be done “right”, or even very well, but instead of getting frustrated take the time to show them how something needs to be done. Explain that there are many other ways to do them & ask them to share how they think it could be done.
Our children will learn from us when we learn how to communicate effectively instead of reactively.
Letting go of the desire to have a “perfect” house was a major step toward my own personal freedom & inner peace. I’ve worked hard at turning a critical internal monologue into a dialogue between my harshest judge & a much wiser mother figure who, after much practice, now prevails more often than the judge.
If you find yourself constantly nagging about the mess or the house needing to be tidy, try something new.
~ Write a note to your kids
EX: Dear Bobby, I get lonely when I'm not with my friends. Please put me back in the playroom.
Love, Buzz Lightyear
~ Write a "Ta Done" list & see how much you DO accomplish in a day.
~ Speak to yourself the way your best friend would.
~ Try being mediocre & get the job done so you can enjoy your family.
Lindsay Lal Professional Coaching
Feeling a little deflated after the holidays?
Kids driving you crazy?
Stuff taking over the house?
Don’t want to be in the same room as your spouse?
You’re not alone ….
While instagram features momentary glimpses into what looks like a “perfect” family, at the time of the photo, I’m here to affirm most of our realities!
No matter how old your kids are, the holidays can leave us all feeling like we’ve been tossed about in the eye of a hurricane!
The food, the gifts, the garbage, the noise, the door visits & the Zoom calls!!! It can all feel like too much on a “normal” year but this year has been exceptional!
So here are some reminders that I hope will fill you up so that you show up as the mom you want to be for your kiddo’s!
Whatever you are experiencing right now is just a season.
While it feels like your child is ALWAYS going to say Mommy 200 times a day, follow or climb all over you, watch Peppa Pig, sing Baby Shark, tell you they’re bored, play video games or want nothing to do with you! All of these things are simply moments in time that, like seasons in nature, will eventually change or transform.
Just as there is no stopping the buds from signalling the start of spring, I assure you that your 12 year old will want nothing to do with Peppa or Baby Shark, your 30 year old will be able to hold a conversation without a gaming device in there hand & Covid restrictions will pass.
We struggle & panic, when we believe something is ALWAYS going to be this way, or that it will never change, so lets put this theory to rest. Everything is impermanent & interdependent, so as harsh as the conditions may appear, the season is in perfect harmony just as it is.
If you never do or say another thing, your child will continue to grow into a functioning adult.
Hard to believe I know, however it’s true! As much as it makes us feel good when our child “needs" us, on the flip side, we complain when they need us too much! We can calm down when we recognize that our child is fine & does not need anything from us!
Whether you interfere or not, your child will grow into a 5, 8, 10, 14, 23 , 30 year old & so on. There is no stopping this process, so be kind to yourself, just “being” their mom is enough, you don't have to do anything!
You are not failing if you can’t keep up with the “stuff”.
We’ve all “bought” into the world of “stuff”, arguing with reality will not change it & frankly, I like a lot of my stuff, it makes life easier in a lot of ways. But when you feel like your stuff is making life harder, here is your permission slip to get rid of it!
Your child needs YOU not the STUFF. There cannot be guilt in taking away things that are not needed. Take your cue from nature, it takes what it needs & gets rid of out the rest!
You don’t need a reason to love your family,
Right now, it may be difficult to find reasons to love. We’ve all been cooped up for so long that another’s breathing can be an annoyance!
Contrary to public believe, it is possible to love your child or spouse for absolutely no reason at all. In fact, needing reasons to love places conditions on our love. It’s easier to find peace when we remove the reasons & love them just because.
This takes the pressure off anyone having “to do” something to “be" loved. Now we can just love without judgement, condemnation or fear of not being loved in return.
The world can use a little more love right now, lets start by calming our own anxiety so we are able to be more loving toward each other.
Lindsay Lal Professional Coaching