“My child isn’t GIVING me a hard time, they’re HAVING a hard time.”
~ Avital Schriver
How are you feeling thee days Mama? Are you Irritable… triggered… sad…betrayed… overwhelmed… frustrated… worried… jealous… hurt… disappointed… embarrassed… anxious?
These are just a few of the emotions that may describe our state of being when it comes to our relationship with our kids!
Like me, you may have become so accustomed to socially acceptable descriptions such as “my kids are driving me crazy”, that you may actually believe that your plight in life is your child’s fault!
They do drive me crazy, you may protest, if they didn’t do a,b or c, then I wouldn’t lose my sh*t!
Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to place blame of all our “crazy” on someone else? I assure you I’ve tried but the frustrating reality is that it never stuck to them, it kept coming back at me.
Why was I the one struggling while another Mom was able to shrug off the same annoying behaviour. ~ Infuriating!
The inconvenient truth I’ve learned is that a child can’t drive you crazy, the trigger is in you.
If triggers were universal, then you too would get angry instead of shrugging it off. So what’s the difference, why can one of us remain peaceful while the other struggles?
The only difference is the thought before each of our reactions, or the thoughts that directly follow witnessing the behaviour.
You cannot have a feeling without a thought first!
We act out based on how we are feeling which comes from what we are thinking. Which means , I hate to break it to you but, your child cannot be driving you crazy, you are actually driving yourself crazy!
It sounds so simple I know, just change your thoughts right?! But when we see our child on their device (again)& think “They’re so lazy, their brain is going to fry, they’ll never going to get a job”, a rush of adrenaline sends us straight into panic & it’s impossible to feel zen! Or if their toys are all over the floor & you think, “All I do is clean up messes, they’re so disrespectful, this house is too small!” There’s a good chance you’ll feel anxious.
You’re not alone, most of us would get triggered by all of the above, & since our brains are wired with a negativity bias, this means ANTS, or Automatic Negative Thoughts, run wild through our mind! If we don’t do anything about it pretty soon they've created an anthill of emotions that, not only, don’t serve us, but make us feel badly about things that may not even be true!
Nobody else can get in our minds & control our thoughts (yet) so here’s the “good” & the “bad” news, YOU can feel calm… relaxed… trusting… generous… joyful… happy… peaceful… surprised… empathetic… loving… abundant… & grateful, even when your child is driving you crazy, because you are driving the car!
"You are child of the universe no less than the trees or the stars you have a right to be here"
Did you know that there is no such thing as anxiety In nature?
The tree doesn’t worry about losing all it’s leaves come fall …
The flower doesn’t hoard all it’s pollen …
The stream doesn’t fear the bolder coming at it …
And the momma bird doesn’t panic when the baby leaves the nest … in fact she nudges them off!
It seems ridiculous to even think about an insect hiding in fear of getting stepped on. It has a job to do and it’s only agenda is doing what’s required of it for the greater good, in that moment.
Anxiety is a man-made construct, period. The reason that we feel anxious swimming in this industrialized world (or should I say drowning) is because we have identified with material possessions, titles & expectations that have forced us to separate from who we truly are, a part of nature.
We have lost sight of the fact that we are part of a complex but harmonious symphony. The elements performing an intricate dance with every species, plant & animal, all working together. There is no need for a conductor to orchestrate this music, there is a natural rhythm that each piece is perfectly in tune & in sync with.
Nature is executing an elaborate piece of music, much more powerful than any individual or group will ever be but sadly, it often silenced by the noise of humans who have come to view ourselves as greater than this masterpiece.
When we feel lost, scared, alone, inadequate or anxious we have become disconnected to the most powerful source in the universe, our true nature & essence. It’s a trap cleverly designed to make you feel like you are lacking something, so the industrialized world can sell you something!
Our suffering comes from the belief that we are not sufficient.
If you take time to pay attention, it could bring tears to your eyes when you realize that “you are as significant as the sun & as insignificant as a grain of sand” in this dance of life. It is, not only, humbling but also calming, to be reminded that we are a part of something that intellectual knowledge cannot explain, an intrinsic knowing that is so much greater than can be explained in words.
When you can see yourself, with the humility of the grain of sand, connected to this magnificently, abundant earth, there is no way to be anxious at the same time.
If you find you're struggling to see yourself as a part of this miracle I would urge you to pause & just look down at the complexity of your hand; the individual finger prints, the intersecting lines & veins carrying blood through your body & witness the miracle that is always with you, YOU!