I got your attention didn’t I? Wouldn’t that be nice, to raise a ‘perfect’ child! The child that you dreamed of in the womb, who was always polite, respectful, happy all the time &, of course, going to be wildly famous for their natural talents & ability, winning ‘us’ an Oscar, Nobel Prize or at the very least an Olympic medal!
Let’s be real, you don’t have a problem with your children, when they’re doing what you asked, when you wanted, the way you think it should be done & with whoever it is you think they should be with! Right?
But what happens when your child is anything less than perfect? How do you respond when they refuse to listen, do what you asked, on time, in a particular way or, god forbid, spend time with people you disapprove of?
We all know that kids don’t come with a manual for these kind of challenges, yet these are the everyday interactions that will result in a healthy, or dysfunctional, relationship with them over time. More importantly, it is these same, seemingly harmless, conversations that will determine the relationship your child forms with themselves over time.
Think about it, who is the voice you hear in your head? Likely it is a combination of your parents, teachers, or other more dominant figures in your life. How you speak to your child communicates more than just the words you are trying to deliver.
In every interaction you have an opportunity to either contribute or, unwittingly, contaminate the relationship.
The energy we bring into a conversation conveys our approval, or disapproval, even if our words say otherwise. Our child learns quickly what they are safe to share with us & what will jeopardize their survival within the family & so they adapt accordingly, often shutting us out, much to our frustration.
Well intended, loving parents are left guilt ridden when they recall the way they’ve spoken to their child, losing their sh*t over spilled milk, humiliating them in front of their friends, or finding themselves taking away rights of passage, when they are no longer able to get through to their teen.
I don’t know one parent who can’t relate, myself included. We are all trying to raise strong independent children, we just don’t want them to exert that strength or independence against us! LOL!
The skills required for the job of raising a human being can seem insurmountable, after all, we’ve never been formally trained in child rearing, so we all just jump in with little more than our past experience, our fantasy of a perfect child, a hope & a prayer for the best! We naïvely believe it will somehow come naturally, in this unnatural, fast paced world.
What I’ve realized is that most disconnected relationships are just misunderstandings. So ... what if we had the ability to communicate effectively so that we could properly understood each other? What if we knew ways of communicating that were respectful of each others needs, sensitive to our emotions & validated each others points of view? Sound like the fairytale you created in the womb? It can be a close reality.
The ‘perfect’ child may not exist however, YOUR child does. If you would like to learn how to speak so your kids to listen, co-operate & are even able to problem solve on their own, like the child of your dreams, you will want to reserve your spot in my upcoming workshop!
This course will empower you to raise a child who is able to problem solve, communicate their needs & feelings & at the end of the day, grow up self regulated, with a healthy self esteem fully intact.
Nobody really wants to change themselves, we’d rather change the OTHER! Lets just admit it, WE are perfect.
“If my child, spouse, parent, boss, co-worker, friend, sibling, would just be different my life would be perfect! (just like me)”
Ok, we know that’s not true but why do we fight so hard, resisting all the ‘others’ in our life?
It’s like we are trapped in an eternal game of tug-of-war, fighting for our life, us against who? On the surface it looks like it’s us against our child, spouse, parent, coworker etc. In reality it’s us versus our conditioning, family, culture, institutions & dogmatism, all doing their best to take down our authentic self.
Our tiny arms clench the rope, grasping & trembling by comparison to the combined strength of the other team. The stakes are high, if they win they dominate & control us. If we win, the prize is freedom!
Just when we feel so close to claiming victory, we get yanked back. We pivot 2 steps forward, 3 steps back & it never crosses our mind to stop the dance. It would be illogical to forfeit now, by dropping the rope.We must fight, we must win to make them hear & see us, & to prove our worth.
This Tug-of-war keeps us from living our fullest life. It's exhausting & I have finally decided to drop the rope!
Facing our internal resistance, the tug-of-war between our thoughts & feelings & our beliefs & fears is what keeps us stuck & makes change so hard. This resistance is the only thing that gets in the way of experiencing true contentment in our life.
Inner peace & personal freedom come when we begin to question everything! Our only job becomes asking whether the story we are telling ourselves is even true, then asking “How do I feel believing it?” & “Who would I be without the thought or the belief?”
When we find the person we want to be in the last question, the answer becomes very clear. The only anxiety free answer is to drop or change the story that is causing us to suffer. This becomes easy to do when we realize that, most of the time, what we’ve clung to so rigidly, believing is true, without ever questioning it, is rarely THE truth.
Once you get really good at inquiry, life becomes a game, one that is fun & easy to play, not terrifying or difficult at all!
Inspired by "The Work" of Byron Katie