When was the last time you did something for yourself? This could be the source of your short fuse moms!
Fried, frazzled & freaking out more than you feel proud of? It’s easy to feel this way these days. We’ve had to adapt to a radically new world, there are more responsibilities on parents than ever before & there is stress that comes with the unknown economic & health implications of a pandemic on our families.
When we are at our wits end, frazzled or totally fried we tend to freak out on the ones we love the most, the ones least able to defend themselves, our kids. I am no stranger to this & am not proud to claim many of these moments throughout the years.
The damage in these moments of emotional immaturity & insecurity leaves an indelible imprint on a child’s self esteem, they’re left no option other than to believe that it must be their fault.
We take out our scariest feelings on them because we feel it’s safe, knowing that a child has no means to leave us (our greatest fear!) The risk however is that if they can’t leave us physically, they can leave us emotionally.
While we typically wish to forget these unflattering moments, how we recover from these inevitable events is what will make the difference between our child feeling disconnected or connected to us.
It’s ok to freak out!
It’s NOT ok to pretend it didn’t happen.
Going back to address our own bad behaviour will not only help your child see that your outburst had nothing to do with them, it will also set the example for them to own their behaviour & show them that you are human, not a hero!
Though it can’t undo all the damage, it is a crucial step in repairing some of the disconnect. It is also crucial in helping you understand why it happened in the first place.
If you aren’t able to figure out why the eruption took place on your own, remember that ANGER IS ALWAYS ROOTED IN HURT, FEAR OR FRUSTRATION but here are a few more specific reasons why we lose it!
TOP 10 REASONS MOMS LOSE IT:
1 ~ Our emotional needs have not been met, we feel unheard or devalued.
2 ~ Our physical needs have not been met, we're tired, hungry or not feeling well.
3 ~ We are over-functioning, taking on other peoples business.
4 ~ We are unclear of our wants & needs.
5 ~ We are overwhelmed.
6 ~ We are burned out.
7 ~ We feel out of control.
8 ~ We are stuck in shame, guilt, blame or judgement.
9 ~ We are scared or anxious.
10 ~ We have asked over & over & over & something persists!
If we neglect our most basic needs we will find ourselves at a loss for words to communicate effectively & BOOM! We go off like a grenade! We feel horrible about it & then the guilt & shame lead us back into a vicious cycle that will end up leaving us fried, frazzled & freaking out!
Lindsay Lal C.C.P.C.