Feeling a little deflated after the holidays?
Kids driving you crazy?
Stuff taking over the house?
Don’t want to be in the same room as your spouse?
You’re not alone ….
While instagram features momentary glimpses into what looks like a “perfect” family, at the time of the photo, I’m here to affirm most of our realities!
No matter how old your kids are, the holidays can leave us all feeling like we’ve been tossed about in the eye of a hurricane!
The food, the gifts, the garbage, the noise, the door visits & the Zoom calls!!! It can all feel like too much on a “normal” year but this year has been exceptional!
So here are some reminders that I hope will fill you up so that you show up as the mom you want to be for your kiddo’s!
Whatever you are experiencing right now is just a season.
While it feels like your child is ALWAYS going to say Mommy 200 times a day, follow or climb all over you, watch Peppa Pig, sing Baby Shark, tell you they’re bored, play video games or want nothing to do with you! All of these things are simply moments in time that, like seasons in nature, will eventually change or transform.
Just as there is no stopping the buds from signalling the start of spring, I assure you that your 12 year old will want nothing to do with Peppa or Baby Shark, your 30 year old will be able to hold a conversation without a gaming device in there hand & Covid restrictions will pass.
We struggle & panic, when we believe something is ALWAYS going to be this way, or that it will never change, so lets put this theory to rest. Everything is impermanent & interdependent, so as harsh as the conditions may appear, the season is in perfect harmony just as it is.
If you never do or say another thing, your child will continue to grow into a functioning adult.
Hard to believe I know, however it’s true! As much as it makes us feel good when our child “needs" us, on the flip side, we complain when they need us too much! We can calm down when we recognize that our child is fine & does not need anything from us!
Whether you interfere or not, your child will grow into a 5, 8, 10, 14, 23 , 30 year old & so on. There is no stopping this process, so be kind to yourself, just “being” their mom is enough, you don't have to do anything!
You are not failing if you can’t keep up with the “stuff”.
We’ve all “bought” into the world of “stuff”, arguing with reality will not change it & frankly, I like a lot of my stuff, it makes life easier in a lot of ways. But when you feel like your stuff is making life harder, here is your permission slip to get rid of it!
Your child needs YOU not the STUFF. There cannot be guilt in taking away things that are not needed. Take your cue from nature, it takes what it needs & gets rid of out the rest!
You don’t need a reason to love your family,
Right now, it may be difficult to find reasons to love. We’ve all been cooped up for so long that another’s breathing can be an annoyance!
Contrary to public believe, it is possible to love your child or spouse for absolutely no reason at all. In fact, needing reasons to love places conditions on our love. It’s easier to find peace when we remove the reasons & love them just because.
This takes the pressure off anyone having “to do” something to “be" loved. Now we can just love without judgement, condemnation or fear of not being loved in return.
The world can use a little more love right now, lets start by calming our own anxiety so we are able to be more loving toward each other.
Lindsay Lal Professional Coaching