One of the reasons I used to have so much anxiety is because I looked outside of myself to solve my problems.
As children we learn to look to our parents to fill our needs & therefore “fix” our problems. Traditional parenting has taught us that the role of a “loving” or “good” parent is to have all the answers & to fill our child’s every need so we, quite naturally, oblige.
The parental ego thrives on ‘being needed’ & ‘knowing what to do’, even when it doesn’t serve the other. Instead of using the opportunity to build a skill & prepare our children for the next level of life, we parents eat up the delicious feelings of superiority & crave the chance to solve “their” problems, filling our insatiable hunger to rescue the child in distress, in order to make us feel better.
I’ve fallen into this trap with my own kids because, of course, I had learned it from my parents, who took my problems on as their own too. We just didn’t know how to “teach” our kids how to problem solve, since we never learned ourselves.
When a child never learn this skill as an adult we will constantly look to others; teachers, family, friends, & finally a spouse or children to solve our problems & fill our needs because we still believe that the answers are outside of our control, or that we are not capable of figuring out things for ourselves. We never learn to trust ourselves& in the end, we give our power away, feel resentment, frustration & out of control of our own life, which leads to anxiety.
Think about this for a minute. If you knew you were totally capable of handling whatever came your way, “good” or “bad”, would you have anxiety about it? Would you worry about something “bad” happening if you knew that, when it did, you would be alright? I doubt it.
When I cultivated the practice of knowing that I’m ok within, no matter the external circumstances, my anxiety lessened. These are skills that we can learn at any age however, kids are so clever & if we teach them the art of problem solving at a young age it will not only develop the brain, regulate emotions, build self-confidence & empower the child, but it will also lessen a child's chance of suffering from anxiety.
In a world that can feel so huge & out of control to our tiny humans, being part of the solution is a wonderful gift!