Do you ever feel like you’re speaking a foreign language to your children?
Do they reply to your requests with blank stares, deaf ears, rolling eyes or a mystified look implying that you are clearly an alien?!
What do we have to do to get them to them to eat their pea’s, do their homework, or clean up after themselves?!
Speaking to children is both an art & a science
but when you learn their language it’s MAGIC!
Imagine the frustration of trying to understand words that make no sense to you every day. We’d be irritable, emotional, & overwhelmed. Does this sound familiar?
Not only are we feeling these things but so are our kids & then … BOOM! We find ourselves clashing, erupting in anger simply because we didn’t understand what each other was saying. The result, guilt, shame, blame & pain.
When you don’t know how to do something your world feels out of control & when we feel this way it’s natural to try & dominate or manipulate the situation (or our child in this case) in order to regain our sense of safety.
There is no shame in this, in fact, it’s totally natural. Our primal brains are all wired for survival but it's possible to override this instinct by developing a higher functioning part of of our brain, shifting us from reacting to responding.
The only shame is that most of us were never taught how to speak C.H.I.L.D before we had children. It’s like starting a job with absolutely no training! This is why I’m so excited to share with you what I’ve learned, consider it FREE on the job training that you can implement with your kids, at any age!
To speak C.H.I.L.D I use the acronym below, combined with a few other specific tools & techniques, like I said it’s an art AND a science! Once you have learned how to communicate with each other, solving problems will no longer be a problem!
5th ~ C ommunicate & C ollaborate - state your position & come up with solutions together
4th ~ H onour - their perspective, by validating it
3rd ~ I dentify - the difficulty & feeling, repeating it back to clarify
2nd ~ L isten - with full attention, empathizing with sounds
1st ~ D escribe - what you see, in few words
When you master this language, just like assimilating in a foreign country, you will feel empowered, confident & at peace with things that used to be every day annoyances.
If you felt confident in your abilities, can you see how your energy would change when you engage with your kids? When you approach your child in a whole new way & your child responds in a whole new way like … MAGIC!
Don’t be fooled. I have found that each child has their own unique dialect that varies based on personalities, preferences & age but the structure of the language is universal. Give it a try!