If YOU would just change, I'D be fine ...

Nobody really wants to change themselves, we’d rather change the OTHER! Lets just admit it, WE are perfect.

“If my child, spouse, parent, boss, co-worker, friend, sibling, would just be different my life would be perfect! (just like me)”

Ok, we know that’s not true but why do we fight so hard, resisting all the ‘others’ in our life?

It’s like we are trapped in an eternal game of tug-of-war, fighting for our life, us against who? On the surface it looks like it’s us against our child, spouse, parent, coworker etc. In reality it’s us versus our conditioning, family, culture, institutions & dogmatism, all doing their best to take down our authentic self. 

Our tiny arms clench the rope, grasping & trembling by comparison to the combined strength of the other team. The stakes are high, if they win they dominate & control us. If we win, the prize is freedom!

Just when we feel so close to claiming victory, we get yanked back. We pivot 2 steps forward, 3 steps back & it never crosses our mind to stop the dance. It would be illogical to forfeit now, by dropping the rope.We must fight, we must win to make them hear & see us, & to prove our worth.

This Tug-of-war keeps us from living our fullest life. It's exhausting & I have finally decided to drop the rope! 

Facing our internal resistance, the tug-of-war between our thoughts & feelings & our beliefs & fears is what keeps us stuck & makes change so hard. This resistance is the only thing that gets in the way of experiencing true contentment in our life.

Inner peace & personal freedom come when we begin to question everything! Our only job becomes asking whether the story we are telling ourselves is even true, then asking “How do I feel believing it?” & “Who would I be without the thought or the belief?” 

When we find the person we want to be in the last question, the answer becomes very clear. The only anxiety free answer is to drop or change the story that is causing us to suffer. This becomes easy to do when we realize that, most of the time, what we’ve clung to so rigidly, believing is true, without ever questioning it, is rarely THE truth. 

Once you get really good at inquiry, life becomes a game, one that is fun & easy to play, not terrifying or difficult at all!
Inspired by "The Work" of Byron Katie