Do your kids think you’re embarrassing?! Join the club! LOL! I think it’s a prerequisite to becoming a Mom, at some point we will become embarrassing!! 😳
But how do these sweet children who never left our side & always giggled at all our jokes, all of a sudden find us embarrassing to be with? It doesn’t seem possible! I’m a “cool” Mom in lululemon, unlike my mom in her mom jeans! I mean, I can understand the mom jeans, but me? No I’M not embarrassing! Now my child on the other hand …
How dare they call me embarrassing, when they blow bubbles out their nose, pick body parts in public, talk back & don’t do their homework like all the other kids!
Does it make you feel slightly anxious at the thought of this happening one day or are you totally triggered because your child is so embarrassed of you, it feels like you haven’t spoken in days?
Remember how beautifully in synch you were with that little baby, in the womb? There was a natural rhythm, a flow & oneness between the two of you. We were the same & now we seem so different! They must have gotten those unfavourable quirks from the other side of the family! LOL!
So how did we go from blissful harmony to embarrassment, frustration & feelings of judgement, guilt, shame or blame towards our beautiful little humans?
Somewhere along the line, we’ve forgotten that we are playing on the same team, not against each other! This is a common misunderstanding, that it’s us parents against our children but that sets up a dynamic that makes it difficult to engage co-operation with our younger teammates.
Imagine working with a boss who doesn’t trust you to handle any of the work, so they micromanage your every move, makes demands & imposes an unreasonable agenda that sets you up for failure among your colleagues. Or maybe they blame & accuse you of things you didn’t do, or lecture you on all the things you’re not doing & could be doing so much better, humiliating you in front of everyone!
I imagine wanting to tell this boss two words, both short, that would probably get me fired!
Our children feel the same way when we interact with a top down mentality. Lets face it, like the boss, we’re a little scary & simply not that much fun to be around.
If you happen to have a fearless teen they may tell you exactly what they think! But most of us with our kids, like with our boss, will resort to the most primitive part of our brain to keep us safe & we will respond with a fight, flight or freeze reaction when we feel devalued or embarrassed!
This coping mechanism shows itself as undesirable behaviour in our child, which then triggers us to react with the same primitive part of the brain, creating a reactionary loop that never completes! Crazy right?!
So how can we be less embarrassing & stop the reactionary cycle? Here are a few tricks:
Instead of demanding things in front of their friends, try requesting what you’d like done, before they see their friend.
Instead of accusations in public, try giving information, describing what you see.
Instead of correcting them in front of their friends, try telling them how it makes you feel later.
Instead of shouting so the whole store can hear how “good” a mom you are, try a lower tone meant for only your child to hear.
Instead of long lectures, try using one powerful word.
And when all this fails, .... call me!
Working with a professional who has already made every mistake you could possibly think of will save you time, money & possible embarrassment with your child!
Lindsay Lal Professional Coaching