Hold on to your hats ladies, I’m about to talk dirty to you ….. When was the last time you pleased yourself?
Did you once identify as the “life of the party” or a “free spirit” or someone who “stopped to smell the roses?”
Do you now identify as “crabby”, “nagging” and “exhausted”?! …. What changed?
Sadly, it seems that many women give up our identity when we become a mother, get married or take on a new title, like C.E.O. There seems to be an unspoken rule that in order to get what you want, you must sacrifice parts of yourself.
Does this sound familiar? But what do you want? Did you abandon yourself so long ago that it seems hard to even know what it is you truly want anymore?
We’ve somehow learned that, as women, our pleasure should come at the expense of everything else in our lives. We need to give & give up our needs until we are utterly exhausted, cranky & totally unfulfilled!
Here’s the thing, once you start denying your wants, needs & emotions to carry those of your kids, spouse, co-workers or family members, it’s very easy to become a pleaser, a martyr, a victim, or an over-doing, controlling puppet who no longer recognizes yourself. How can you articulate your wants or needs when you're trying to manage everyone else's?
Learning how to regulate your emotions & identify your wants & needs, a skill that can be taught. It will also have the added benefit of regulating your child’s BIG feelings & emotions, as they struggle to make sense of the world.
I believe there is an emotional umbilical cord between a mother and child that never gets severed. If you do not do your work, you cannot expect your child to be free from the identities you have taken on as pleaser, giver or controller. You will inevitably teach them to sacrifice parts of themselves, at the expense of their authenticity, to make others “happy”.
So start to identify as a mother who enjoys pleasure, of all kinds ;) ! Once you are aligned with your true loving nature your triggers will be fewer, feeling like a victim will become a distant memory & overreacting will transform into inner peace.
How would it feel to respond to life instead of react to life? It can be done. Doing your work will help you experience more pleasure in all areas of your life.
Personal fulfillment is not a luxury ladies, it is essential! It is the key to showing up as the mother, spouse, daughter, co-worker or friend that you always wanted to be.
Pleasing yourself is a gift that you give others, & the greatest gift you will ever give your child is a fulfilled Momma!
Lindsay Lal Professional Coaching