“YOU complete me”, the line made famous by Tom Cruise in the movie Jerry Maguire, while hopelessly romantic, has screwed us all up and reaffirmed the misguided belief that there is someone, or something, outside of us that will make us whole; like we aren’t already.
This misguided belief, unfortunately but quite naturally, gets bestowed upon our children. Though not intentional in any way, we begin to look at our children as if there is something to fix, change or complete; like they are not already whole just the way they are.
If we believe there’s something “wrong”, especially with our child, our natural instinct kicks in to want to help them. We start to get anxious & worry:
“What if they don’t have any friends? … I’ll just make sure they’re invited”
“How will they ever afford to live on their own! …. I’ll give them extra money”
“They need to have a University Education to be happy & successful! … I’ll help them write their application.’
As if anyone who doesn’t have a University experience must not be happy or successful.
When we impose these subconscious ideas, beliefs & feelings on our kids, they internalize the same limiting belief that you may have, “There must be something wrong with me”, “I’m not enough or “It’s important to fit in.”
Culture & the marketing genius’ behind any good product, reinforces this idea that we need something in order to be ok or at the very least a bit better, in order to stay in the business of selling “things”. And so begins the endless quest to seek approval, value, worth & love in the form of a person or thing outside of ourselves.
The greatest gift we can give our kids is to demonstrate that we don’t need anyone or anything else to prove our worth. It is OUR job to seek our own approval, value & love.
Instead of learning how to accept every part of ourself, we learn to give our power away to something outside of us to fill our internal needs.
There is nothing and no one outside who can make you feel whole & if you believe there is, you will continually try to fill that void, always waiting on another to make you feel content. Inevitably, you’ll be waiting a really long time & never really feel the peace that you crave!
Here's some good news! You are already whole & complete & the misconception that you are anything other than that is simply not true! This is great news because if all it takes to feel complete is YOU, then YOU already have it & can start feeling more at peace now!
Lindsay Lal Professional Coaching....